Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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