I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
