I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
