Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
