She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
