pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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