ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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