I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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