Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize