What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
