So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
