the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
