I faked an abortion last night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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