I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize