Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
