once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
