I'm sorry my penis didn't work
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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