his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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