if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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