Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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