I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
