I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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