Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
