we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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