in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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