I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
