So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
