i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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