She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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