Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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