I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
