We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
