I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
