Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
