I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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