So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
