WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So here I am, sexting at work.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
