question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
