So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
