remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
