i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize