My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I stole a fireplace last night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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