just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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