did you get engaged???
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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