I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
