I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
