I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Randomize
