Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
