Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
