I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
