i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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