The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
