Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize