I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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