is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
