I am puke
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
