Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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