I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
