Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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