I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
