I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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