After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
