Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
