I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize