Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
