Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
