I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
